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July 25 Bigger and BetterI've seen some pics of Beijing Olympics preparation three weeks before August 8. I am pretty much stunned by the size and scale of those new venues and buildings. Received many other similar pics in recent months as the GAMES approach the grand opening day. 8 years of preparation,8 years of demolition and reconstruction, 8 years of propaganda have seen our capital being turned to a whole new megapolis that is strange and new to even many Chinese ourselves, not to mention any foreigner who's never been to the capital.
I've been wondering how other ppl might think on seeing such overwhelming grandiosity our government (or rather our hard working ppl, our hard working rural labourers) has strived to bring to the world in the last 8 sweaty years. I am always stunned when viewing such pictures, and am especially surprised when some of the close-up shots of these venues, together with the barely visible ppl around are presented together. As I now imagine being in the capital, in the crowded streets, in the extra sardine-jammed subway, in front of the gigantic stadiums, CCTV tower, a sense of awe and helplessness creeps in my mind and ironically I have never managed to gather any sense of pride and joy so far for this event, cos' I know as a human being, one can hardly feel relaxed or comfortable with such inhumane architectures.
In <Paris Notes> by Wang Shouzhi, we've learnt that similar boastful architectural projects were unleashed in Paris during the Miterrand era in 1970's (think of La Defence in <Mr. Bean's Holidays>, and there's the French National Library, whose hyper-modern, human-unfriendly scale of design and layout have rendered much inconvenience to readers and visitors). Yet however mis-constructed such buildings are, there are still Saint Germain des Pres, Montmartre and many other amiable quarters for the Parisien. By contrast, as more and more of its old resident quarters are being torn down, Beijing has become a city that bears little historical reminiscence, and we might question what Beijing still has to offer to its residents (who are already suffering from either traffic jam or traffic control and many other restrictions in a gesture of generous host proposed and imposed by the government) after the Games? One surely can't adore for a life time the complexity of the Brid's Nest or the Hi-tech bearing of the Water Cube, or the futuristic peculiarity of the CCTV tower regardless of his or her own everyday well being, namely the convenience of travel, the comfort of life and etc.. Afterall, such showcase architectures don't seem to have improved the quality of life for the people, and on the contrary all recent mobilizations by the government , from traffice control to security check, have made life even harder for people in the capital. You can say it's the sacrifice every host city has to make for the Games, but some of the changes and mobilizations in the city just remind me of Oscar Nieyer's Brasilia city planning. If he is 30 years younger, he's bound to love Beijing as a paradise for his next "big plane" experiment: city as a well tuned machine, buildings as components laid out strictly according to their functions, people as objects clustered in specific districts regardless of their everyday needs and sociability.
Sir John Terry who's designed the new Beijing South Railway Station repeated the word "gigantic" in an interview with South Weekly. There have already been reports that people get lost in the new Beijing International Airport. And let's don't forget how Slavoj Zizek once said about capitalism and "Chinese Capitalism", that Capitalism is bad , but there's nothing better to replace it so far; and that if he has to choose between American Capitalism and Chinese Capitalism, he'd go for the former as the Chinese are under the ruthless dogma of "Whatever you do , we are gonna do it bigger and better".
The popular phrase "New Bejing, New Olympics" and "One World, One Dream" (only one dream? ) sound as pleasing to the ears as the disastrous theme song for the game "Forever Friend". But for me, the "new" Beijing is only following its old spirit, building another forbidden city in modern disguise and the "One Dream" slogan ironically serves as the reminder of the old communist dream against the backdrop of ruthless nationwide capitalist mania.
July 15 微恙牙龈发炎了两三天，外加喉痛，很难受，以至于周六下午ANDY找我要烟，我毫不犹豫地把一包烟都给他了：“你全拿去嘛。”一点都没有留恋之情，要知道平时都是互相谎称没有烟等对方掏出来；当然我要承认更多时候是我没有买或者故意不带，其实不完全是想占便宜，而是有那么一点点的愿望想戒掉；不过只要ANDY来了，愿望随之就转化为了烟瘾。总之星期六下午到今天下午都完全没有吸烟的冲动--牙痛都来不及，吸什么烟呢。这两天自己买了药吃了没有用，反而越来越严重，每天早上都是在疼痛中醒来，连吃了两天南瓜绿豆，苦瓜豇豆，而且只能用一半的牙齿嚼，不能喝咖啡，不能喝酒。今天早上起来感觉半边脸颊都有点肿了，张嘴都有些困难（当然比不上以前最痛的时候那种钻心淘脑的感觉，不过这两天也时不时有想撞墙壁的冲动）。中午去了楼下的医院吊水，到了现在晚上好了很多。感觉解脱来得太快，本来我想如果牙痛多持续几天，或许可以好好调养一下饮食，然后看看能不能把烟戒掉。现在看来有些徒劳，刚刚很有冲动下去买烟，下去了以后发现自己还能坚持，那么便忍忍吧；自己确实也不喜欢抽烟，只是尼古丁总会作祟。
关于周末的出游，因为有些小恙的缘故，自己感觉不是很尽兴。大家还是很开心吧，长安越野车，湿身，落水，回来小飚车 （此外还要向Roger的车技致敬和误伤致歉，向ANDY的礼让和诱导致谢，不过在这里写了也没用，他俩好像是不会看这个东西的）。说到飚车，就不禁想到我考驾照的情况，就难免感觉很郁闷，继而又难免想抽烟解闷，一个又一个的vicious cycle，何时是个头。
说到vicious cycle，又不禁想到目前的工作....该有所改变的就无需犹豫了，至于下一步怎么样，看看再说吧。(这样说是不是很不负责呢，眼下可是萧条时节，可我总觉得自己算是比较负责的，从另一个层面思考的话). Who knows, but dare I say who cares, I sort of dare not at the moment; though i still despise the notion of seeking comfort thru institutionalization. but who can escape that? At least some balance could be achieved even though compromise seems invetable. Or can i , right here, right now? Dare I ? Maybe the greatest confinement is one's own self. Sinead O'Connor sings hear what your soul sings to you. Do i have a soul? long lost maybe, or simply mentalist crap. Who knows? Who cares? |
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