friends' dog is dying from fatal disease. about 20 days ago i drove them to the pet market to buy that little dog. in the last 20 days i paid them several visits and the dog seemed ok until a week ago it began trembling. two hospitals they went diagnosed as dog plague. yet they hesistated to spend the huge sum of money for a 10% chance of survival with sequela to follow.understandable. today i went to their place again and found the dog has got weaker and weaker, unable to stand or walk normally, poor appetite and having difficulty pooing. i tried to help by drag and squeeze a bit but later it turned out that i've hurt his anus. just now we took him to the hospital and had a small operation, great pain he's suffered. i felt really sorry to make him suffer worse though friend tried to console me. the doc in the nearby pet hospital confirmed his plague which my friends were still reluctant to believe with a hope that he might be cured if it were other disease. i am feeling bad not just because of my stupid mistake: to see him suffer from trembling, struggle to get up and fall to the floor, weak moan in agony, all these are just too unfair and too much for this little one to take. i am feeling really bad now. friends had wanted a good pet and company, had planned to take him to play in my place when he grows up. but we weren't prepared for the worst yet it's indeed happened now. so ironic. i thought i wouldnt feel sad for him, but as i saw him today i just couldnt help feeling helpless, and now that i've made him suffer worse, i feel like a murderer myself.

it's like you try to smile and embrace life , but only to get his slap on face in return. life's not like a box of chocolate, hollywood and forest gump are too sweet for us. at least tonight life seems to be a bastard. call it fate, call it chance, call it a bad joke. i dont like it anyway. fuck it.